How to eat food with a mustache:
Step 1) Find the messiest food available
Step 2) Part the mustache out of the way - avoid choking on spices from previous bite if possible
Step 3) Take a monster bite, disregarding any mustache hairs that enter your mouth
Step 4) Hold your face over your plate, because shit will be falling out of it
Step 5) Pull hairs out of your mouth and wipe away the mess after each bite.
Step 6) Repeat
Everyone's been asking me how I eat with a giant mustache - well, here I am scarfing down on a horribly messy gyro. This is what it looks like for any type of hot dogs, burgers, wraps, or anything that requires large bites.
Just carry a lot of napkins and be patient. Also, straws and fork and knives work great.