Stop Doing These 5 Things To Your Beard

—Urban Beardsman

We here at Urban Beardsman talk a lot about the wonders of facial hair. It’s true, we kind of dig it. A lot. Whether it’s the health benefits it provides or the positivity that those who have beards bring into the world, we’re mostly into spreading the good rather than focusing on the bad. However, as more and more beardsmen emerge from coast to coast and all around the world, we feel it’s our responsibility, nay our duty, to help beardsmen reduce the amount of mistakes made by those who have grown before them.

You see, beards present a lot of options and although we’re all used to the presence of hair on top of our heads, along with stashes placed around other regions of ours bodies, beards are a different story. Beardsmen really identify themselves via their beards and they care for their facial hair in some ways more than many care for the hygiene of their entire bodies. With that passion though comes over thinking and excessive eccentricities. Obviously we suggest that each of you be your own beardsman, but here are just a few examples of things that we recommend you not do to your beard.

Do Not Micro-Manage Your Beard

Fact: beards are meant to be slightly wild. Yes, do we preach the glory of beard oil and beard wash and beard scissors and beard combs? Of course, you have to put some effort in, but what we don’t want to encourage is guys going over the top in terms of micro-managing their beards. Almost daily I see guys with beards so precise, so carefully trimmed that I assume they’ve hired someone whose sole job is ensuring that this gent’s beard looks as if it could have been formed by the hand of Michelangelo himself. Fellas, let your beard do its thing alright? A little maintenance goes a long way and frankly overdoing it doesn’t just look a little questionable, but it makes people assume that your OCD-ness is at a level unattainable by those most would consider sane. A little trim and oiling goes a long, long way when it comes to being a beardman.

Do Not Use Your Beard As A Storage Device

Is that laughter I hear? Well, you know what’s not funny? When you find yourself being poked in the cheek by a toothpick from last night’s dinner that you decided to store in your beard for safe-keeping (this may or may not be coming from firsthand experience). We’ve all been dared or challenged to hide food or objects or secrets in our facial hair, but guys, let’s try to keep the beard storage to an absolute minimum. If you’re smuggling a ring into Mordor or trying to avoid being arrested or something else that one might consider desperate then fine, but for all other scenarios, this is why we were given pockets in our trousers.

Do Not Add Decorations To Your Beard

Dear internet, please stop glorifying dudes who feel the need to decorate their beards. Flower beards weren’t cool at Coachella two years ago and beard baubles weren’t that charming at last year’s Christmas. We get it, people are fascinated with the idea of, “will it beard?” However, sometimes it’s good to think “would I ever be caught dead with this on top of my head if I didn’t have facial hair?” before you attach it to your beard. If you really feel the need to spruce up your style with some, uh, flair then how about a festive sweater or an adventure hat? Those are both slightly more responsible choices, neither of which could end with a cat batting at your face much like ti would at a Christmas tree. Again, I may or may not be speaking from personal experience.

Do Not Pick At Your Beard Incessantly

Ingrown hairs are really unpleasant. They get swollen and they hurt and they’re just overall bothersome. The best way to deal with them though is to very precisely and carefully pluck the infected hair out, rather than simply picking at your beard incessantly until you’ve gone from aiming for one bothersome follicle to causing a bout of de-bearding to the point where you suddenly have a bald patch on your jawline. Beard picking is a terrible habit and can very quickly ravage your beard. Even if you happen to let your beard grow out on the longer side, you’ll still notice if an when a self-inflicted patch starts to form. Do your best and try to resist. Wait until you have a set of tweezers and then go about the removal process carefully. Remember, the more respect you treat your beard with the better your facial hair-based results will be.

Do Not Dye Your Beard

I know what you’re thinking, “easy for you to say, young gun,” but just because you’re a bit older, wiser, and experienced still doesn’t make dying your beard a good idea. A lot of guys fear going grey, which commonly happens on one’s face before it moves north via the sideburns and eventually to the top of your head. Rather than fear and try to hide the grey though, embrace it. A little grey shows that you’ve been around the block, that you’ve seen some shit. A lot of grey shows that you’re confident in yourself and could probably offer someone some pretty sound financial advice. That might sound lame, but we promise, when you’ve reached that point then you’ll truly have evolved from padawan to bearded master.

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